Flirting is an art that deserves to be far more widely known and far more often practiced. Here is a short guide.
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FURTHER READING
Flirting has a bad name. Too often, it seems a supreme form of duplicity, a sly attempt to excite another person and derive gratification from their interest without any corresponding wish to go to bed with them. It looks like a manipulative promise of sexual affection that, at the last moment, leaves its targets confused and humiliated. In our sadness, back home alone after the nightclub or the party, we may rail against the flirt for ‘only’ flirting, when it had appeared there would be so much more. But this kind of pattern represents only one, unedifying and regrettable possibility around flirting. At its best, flirting can be a vital social process that generously lends us reassurance and freely redistributes confidence and self-esteem. The task is not to stop flirting, but to learn how better to practice its most honourable versions.
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Thought this video was going to have examples or be at all informative and not just a weird word salad beating around the supposed point according to the title.
This told me absolutely nothing about what being a good flirt looks like or how or when to be one
“Fun” fact – in Russian the same word means “playful interaction usually indicating an intent or an option of sex” -in a way, the opposite of the definitive given here
i think i like the comment section even more than the video itself. thanks to all;)
helped a lot!!!!
haha this is soo good ! The flirt is a pioneer in a crucial democratic science to correctly identify attractiveness (physical as well as attributes mind you) serving the many and not just a few" hahaha "flirting matters"! how good was this
We should be grateful to good flirts and try to be good flirts ourselves…. love it ! hahahha
i have no idea what any of this means
This is flirting WAY over analyzed. Good flirting involves asking and answering questions in a slightly unexpected way. If done well, it leaves the other person curious, more attracted, and therefore more inclined to continue doing the same.
So she antiflirted with me.
I'm applying this skill for months now after the video. It changed my whole perspective on flirting. I was too shy. What changed my point of view is that and not being creepy while flirting, but acctually I'm promoting health to the other❤
Bill Cosby doesn't get it.
im 30 years old and this is the first time i have tried "flirting" with a girl i like wish me luck haha.
It is so embarrassing how quickly I clicked this video
this makes a ton of sense. I’ve always been good at flirting with friends, older women, and women in relationships because there were no expectations and I could express my attraction openly. Flirting is to show appreciation without expecting anything in return
So much water.
The Flirting is the responsibility of the Woman….. otherwise you should just ignore the fucking parasitic manipulator behaviour…. because only a Wimpie Simpie Butt Boy Poofter types do the Chasing !
It's easy. If you are handsome – flirt whenever you like. If you are mediocre, flirt only as a response to flirt. If you are an ugly man, don't flirt at all, cause in the best case scanario you will be ignored. In worst – acussed of sexual harassment.
I’m a big time flirter. This is very well put into words! There can be much more to draw from an interaction than there would be from sex. For me flirting replaces sex altogether and it is actually a matter of leaving my ego aside just enough to make room for the person who is interested to have a good time too. There are many more people out there that I want to flirt with than there are people I want to have sex with and for me owning my sexuality means to know how to act in both scenarios.
time to start flirting with the homies
Yes, yes, and yes. I will be the good flirt from this day on!
I used to love flirting but now I realize it's a really dangerous game to play. You don't know how your flirting will impact the psyche and possibly the relationship of the other person. I love School of Life videos but I simply can't agree with this justification. If you flirt with someone during a vulnerable time in their relationship it can kill that relationship. For example you might flirt with your colleague not knowing that their wife who has just had a baby is feeling acutely insecure about her body, tired from lack of sleep and generally crabby. Now you flirt with the husband and he starts fantasizing about you, making him even less present to his wife. No, I'm sorry, School of Life, flirting is just is too potentially destructive to condone. I stopped flirting and instead have focused that energy in healthy ways to anyone and everyone not based on how attractive I find someone. It's like a ray of sunshine that you can shine on everyone. That's a much much healthier thing to do.
kinda hate when i don't intend to flirt but they feel like it, so that make a confusion in them and an unharmonious/awkward relationship later.
6 years later and flirting can now get you a prison sentence.
It’s much easier to flirt if someone is already attracted to you.
Don’t chase, attract .That’s my advice I don’t want to write to much
This is such a sweet video!
All these uploads are a small amount of time and very informative and interesting. The small amount of time is very appealing to me.
I stopped flirting years ago, I mastered being boring and just by looking at me you'll be bored. Not gonna brag but before I'm very good at it.
I feel like what you talked about was just, complimenting people
Ive always thought of flirting as something you do with people you do very much intend to go further and pursue a Romantic and/orsexual relationship with.
I've certainly never heard of it having the implication that its NOT going to get to that point, if you don't intend to get to that point its not flirting, its just being complimentary.
Edit: I just googled the definition, and it matches up with what you said, but at the same time ive never seen or heard of it being used in that way before, i feel like this is one of those things where definitions change?
Like, do couples not flirt with eachother? In ways that very much do have intent? Do people not flirt when on dates with people they do intend to seriously pursue? I've seen my parents flirt with each other many times and i know its not in a way thats like "oh but i can't, there's won't be anything that comes of this" hell, unfortunately I've heard things happening that were a result of the flirting.
I only flirt with men now, me too ruined everything.
Goddamit this shit is deep
This is confusing, when you flirt you necessarily aren't expecting sex? what?
Unhelpful what i wanted to know is how to flirt!
What's the point of flirting with someone when you're married?
Flirted even without having sex is expressing one's desire for the other, and those even if it is in no way a promise of sex.
Why do we need to express our sexual desire for him/her to others?
Of course this is different and much more acceptable when you are single, I am talking about the example of the married person because in the video there is this reference.
We can also lie to others, pretend that we like others in order to receive compliments.
Me thinking I'll do the flirting: Flirting is good
Me thinking if my bae flirting with others: Flirting is bad
So I guess no flirting for both of us except to each other
Apparently im stupid this shit is always sp vague i never understand it
ahir zaman
I don't understand. That's not too good.
Sounds boring, plus you used a werewolf to represent repulsiveness. Plus this didn’t teach anyone How to flirt, just Why we flirt. Big L imo.
"Flirting is done to attract potential partners. Men and women both flirt to get the attention of a desired partner, and perhaps to achieve a sexual or romantic result from it"
so no,
4:05 – stop misleading people on what flirting is, "The School of Life"
Me on the first date:
So "good flirting'' is saying "hey, in another life, if you were single/older/younger/not my co-worker etc, we'd totally bang"? You say it's separate from the physical, but how can you possibly believe this? Words create thoughts, and when the thoughts have emotions behind them, like from someone flirting shamelessly with you, how else are you not supposed to have sexual thoughts?
Important social work by making people feel erotically appealing? I think this is closer to degenerate promiscuity than important social work. Strive to be kind and generous to everyone. Don't strive to make people feel "erotically appealing", especially if you have no actual romantic interest. This is just manipulation.
im really mad at this channel
Good video but the ending hypothesis is utterly exaggerated
No, its pigmalion effect isn't THAT huge. Although we must recognize how these changes can be important, there are other deep and vital aspects that control not only flirting but the whole aesthetic of beauty and body that interconnects with other more vital points.
Such as health, desirable routines and damage-reduction ideas towards leisure forms (be it alcohol or any type of drugs)
They are also very abstract like flirting but plays a more subtle function in our social networks.
People shouldn't have to necessarily flirt to expand a sense of being beauty or how they are in a way of lapidating themselves.
Either the author of this video hypothesis is poligamic and wants the whole audience to be too,
Or got very confused with something that, at least for me, is very simple and common:
Say someone is really nice, or has style (even if doesn't match your 'standards'), just make the other one feel that it can belong to your community/society.
You can politely compliment the smile, from the smallest to the biggest.
If the person has no tooth, tell about the hair
If it is bald
The eyes
If it has no eyes, it is bald, and has no tooth, well, just don't be a stupid/jerk person.
And it will be enough
No one is also responsible for someone self perspective of beauty patterns or self-admiration, it is a huge deal and surely, flirting with anyone with the "godly" perspective of helping the world will only make YOU someone senseless to act.
there are people seriously engaged who takes even minimal events very serious. It is not about to judge someone's else rules in a relationship but respect.
Cause going the way of the video, you will endup with a lot of headaches, both physically and mentally.
If you are very tall, pretty face, skinny and have followers on instagram, then you probably didnt click on this video. If you are ugly, well yes.
Yooo
Ok maybe I clicked coz ive read Why how and When to Fart ?
Yeah but what the fuck actually is it. What do you talk about
I had stopped flirting altogether for a while after series of heartbreaks. This video has helped me a lot. Thanks and cheers
Libras stand up
Was hoping for a bit more “how”
You lack 20 more charisma stat to unlock flirting.
I don't know how to flirt, and if someone were to flirt with me, I would be oblivious to it.
Dangerously close to flirting w ppl out of charity which isn’t always received well
B.S. If any of this garbage was true, then significant others wouldn't lose their shxt if the other party was either flirting or the recipient of flirting. You can try to dress it up with all the sophistry you want, but there are reasons why it's also called "leading someone on" and stuff like that. If it's not seduction, then it's to try to solicit something in return (through the implication of possible seduction).
Good flirting should be visioned as a good movie trailer.You shouldn’t care if the outcome will be good or shit.
They tend to respond with "ew"
This is so interesting. It seems I’ve been a good flirter without even knowing it. It all started with my own experiences with rejection and low self-esteem. I don’t want people to feel what I’ve felt.
I'm allergic to flirting right now. It's cringe in making my attempts doing so
Ok, but what about Who?
My opinion: says too many but with little practical value, just words, thanks anyway
I usually don’t even bother trying as I may be to shy and my self esteem is too low.
As an autistic person I’d probably find it easier to built a rocket than to flirt. I don’t get it no matter how many people try to explain it to me
IDGAF
So sex bad and the desire for sex bad. Welcome to internet church.
Its soo embarassing
The issue is, if you were actually interested in hooking up with someone, there would be nothing that holds you back aside from physical distance. These excuses about 'what would society think?' or 'our age gap is too high' are just that, excuses. All throughout human history we've been doing it up and down and all around for every reason and no reason at all, regardless of the consequences. There are ways to make friends or other people feel good without specifically 'flirting' with them, which again is ultimately a hurtful lie if you don't actually want to knock boots.
This really doesn’t seem to answer any of the questions the title indicates
Flirting is communicating your attraction with plausible deniability.
I'm an old retired guy and long-term coupled so ain't expecting any new GF – but I do this all the time – if I see something unusual that I can compliment about a stranger, I'll just wave my hand in front of them to get their attention, then simply say "I love your yellow socks!" or some such, then continue walking away from them. Almost invariably they flash a brilliant smile of surprised happiness, say 'Thanks!!!' and we both feel happier in the moment.
So I don't see flirting as a sexual advance – I see it as an opportunity to make a stranger feel better – and if they seem to respond instantly in a friendly way, we might linger longer for some more enjoyable conversation before parting ways both feeling better again.
I would appreciate this film more if the depicted characters for examples were not as gender and age stereotypical (ex: young female lawyer and an older male shopkeeper, male boss and female cleaner). Thank you for sharing your thought-provoking insights!
This video has to be one of my all time favourites in terms of impact. Lowkey rewired my brain chemistry and allowed me to give sincere compliments without shame.
Wise and much needed affirmation of good flirting.
Can anyone tell which playlist of the channel this video belongs to?
No, I don't like you, I just thought you were cool enough to kick it
Got a beach house I could sell you in Idaho, since you think
I don't love you I just thought you were cute, that's why I kissed you
Got a fighter jet, I don't get to fly it though I'm lying down
For men –
Why ? To get sex
How ? Direct communication
When ? If man is 6' , 6 figure, 6 pack OR better – go ahead
How I flirt ? Hum, I just can't idk I have autism and I don't like anything in life
I tried to be a nice guy, welcoming everyone, and somehow was labeled a flirt. There’s no hard no fraternization policy, but it's not a line a want to cross.
Eastern cultures practice it during many ceremonies during wedding celebrations to lighten up the moods and reduce the tensions that may brew between bride and grooms sides during weddings.
Loved these quotes:
1. "At its best, flirting can be a vital social process that generously lends us reassurance and freely redistributes confidence and self-esteem."
2. "Good flirting is, in essence, an attempt, driven by kindness and imaginative excitement, to inspire another person to believe more firmly in their own likability, psychological as much as physical."
3. "What is often most enjoyable about sex is not the physical process itself, so much as the idea of acceptance that underpins the act."
4. "We all stand in need of reminders of what's tolerable and exciting about us."
5. "Flirting matters because of how rarely most of us get to experience ourselves as desirable."
6. "The good flirt carries out an important psychological mission, to restore balance to our view of ourselves."
7. "The good flirt is doing crucially important social work. They understand that being recognized as erotically appealing is hugely beneficial, and a key to rendering us more patient, more generous, more energetic, and more content."
5:35 “The desperately narrow gate of sex?” Oh my! Mister School Of Life! Are you flirting with me?!
I see the "How" part of the title didn't get put into the vid…
So flirting is not to show someone you are potentially interested?
This had a lot of "why" but not much "how" – the points made here are fine, but without the "how" I feel like this could leave a lot of people who are not so gifted in the social department going around telling people they've got a great ass thinking they're doing a good deed, when really they're just coming across as a sleazy creep. The "how" is a very important part!
3:32 I’m so confused what
This answered literally NONE of the questions
Something I learned about myself and maybe in general. Is guys really don't get enough compliments with or without flirting. It made me contemplate why I got with my ex despite the red flags and issues I had foreseen. Maybe ultimately, she was attracted to me and it didnt take me long to love her for the few comments she made early on.