In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.
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Boom! Esther, you have grupies and I'm one of them. You are a rock star of psychology !
Let her talk about Betrayal Trauma. I was cheated on by my husband of 27 years . He cheated with his married coworker for one year before I found out about it. While I took care of my sick elderly parents and his father he was going on “business” trips with her. They were really secret vacations with her. For her pleasure and enjoyment. Ask this “expert” about that pain for theBetrayed Partners.
Wow, one of the best Ted talks!
I liked her a lot but but at the end it is still not clear to me what's the key to keep sexual desire alive.
brilliant
I clicked on this because I misread this as "To desire a long term relationship"
Responsibility and desire butt heads
Marriage and intimacy are two different worlds. Never marry someone for intimacy. Marriage : to have kids and partner to taking care each other.
AHHHH SHE IS SO EFFING COOL!!!!
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I don't understand "it won't make a dent, there is nobody at the reception desk" at 12:50, can you explain the laugh?
Don't think taking care of the object of our love is not an aphrodisiac. Besides that…. great talk
I watched this couple if times since the age 20, now I am 27, and I find something new every time in this wonderful speech.
Can't imagine how one would turn themselves on or off. Arousal never felt like an action, always a reaction.
what's her onlyfans?
"I want to love you like the space between lightning and thunder – electrified and alive yet silent and knowing"
1. what is eroticism and erotic desire? what fuels it?
a. romanticism, what is the context that fuels desire for the couple?
b. novelty
c. erotical intelligence
(i) overlap and language discrepancy: purpose, pleasure, trust, (woman asked a question by holding her hand while the other woman was speaking)
(ii) security and adventure : beginnings of desire
d. moments of power and individuality as nurturing couple
2. what is responsible erotic gratification in the age of mass sexual expression?
a. novel stimulants and stressors in relationships, anchors
b. novelty
c. how are we leaving our moments
d. foreplay as iterative process in the house
e. the love languages
3. what does the progression of relational coupling look like? what is wanting to have? (an individual epistemology)
a. draconis laguna rex esther positis
b. novelty: what is metaphor of how relationship is taking shape
4. steps of co creation and momentary succession (when are we drawn to each other momentarily)
a. novelty: what is metaphor of how relationship is taking shape
a. what shape do the different types of metaphor take shape in relationship (stone, clay, clouds, trees with vibrant leaves)
This is what I got from this video. An open marriage sounds like the best marriage.
The extraordinary ability and depth of analysis of this speaker made me reflect and understand, enlightening me, things that had escaped me; despite age and experience.
A heartfelt thank you❤
V v nice
In The Journey
My Photos Prime WICK A THIS
Warkop DKI
she’s very well spoken. I could listen to her talk all day
When you watched this 10 years ago and now and it still is powerful.
Married 42 years. In every video of hers I have watched, she's been brilliant.
simple !………..stay sexy…………. stay interested…………try not to get pushed out into the spare room permanently…………..& shower & bathe regularly !………….try & brush your teeth at least once or twice a week…………oh & cut back on the big fat cigars in the living room !…………..& don't whatever you do leave used needles in the bathroom………….& wipe down the toilet seat & put the lid back down after you have been for the lady x…………….it's also helpful to try & call her by her first name & not get her mixed up with her sister……..it's gonna take a lot more than that but these tips might give you a head start ………….
Пожалуйста воспользуйся этими советами, пизда, а то такое ощущение, как будто это ты со мной в браке. Съебалась отсюда
Be careful, you may get pregnant after watching this (guilty)
Brilliant.
"Desire comes with a host of feelings that are not always such favorites of love: jealousy, possessiveness, aggression, power, dominance, naughtiness, mischief. Basically, most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day. You know, the erotic mind is not very politically correct." ~13:08
Trainwreck.
The secret : Don’t have secrets.
Esther Perel is simply awesome. Just love her talks. So much clarity and insight in what she says. I’m always nodding in agreement.
Her face is so weathered she looks 100. I wouldnt listen to a word she says. Shes creepy.
Una bona màquina però molt cara pel meu ús diari. No em compensa.
I think I've moved past you. I can do what you said, the key is that women are looking at wealth and money, no money there is no way. What else to discuss? The world is so hypocritical… Don't think I don't know.
Physical attraction is important. But if you find a partner whose personality turn you on – that's the secret sause. People lose their looks. They don't lose their personality…
Oh my she is so correct!
This is peerless content. A book with similar material I read was also second to none. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
"The secret"? Dont marry western woman.
I've been with my lover for 37 years married for 35 – that very last statement this genius makes -so true . I'm glad we had figured out things , even before the internet was born , but this woman's insights , and her delivery are masterful.
“and I stay open to the mysteries that are living right next to me.” Beautiful ty
Desire was perfectly healthy and normal we had a healthy attachment with love. She turned me into a better person. You are horrible fucking people
The considerable impact of this content is undeniable. A book with like messages reshaped my priorities and focus. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
2:45
Powerful stuff. I need to relisten to this a few times yet.
This should be required viewing around the world.
What a wonderful lecture with so many insights, thank you so much ❤
What an amazing speaker.
Well spoken.
Secret #1: don’t marry a narcissist.
So you encouraging ourself desire become the center and predeterminator of relationships. So that it's okay if your spouse (or you can call it partner) looking enjoyment outside of that relationship. So the exclusivity is only valid when you want to.
Well, good luck with that.
Despite of all your well said speech,
I know The Creator didn't designed husband – wives relationship that way.
You need balls of steel to go up on stage to give a lecture on a topic by just throwing around no-brainers and unfounded/wrong facts for 20 minutes in a pathetic pseudo-wisdom-fueled appearance
Superb command of the English language. Natural presentation. Confident. Eloquent. A triumph seldom see and heard.
Super!
❤❤❤
I'm mesmerized by this. I had the pleasure of reading something similar, and I was truly mesmerized. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Nehh… I'll just keep beatin my meat.
Omg just love her, soooo intelligent and inspiring ❤
So I guess when they say you are attracted to the unavailable or red flags is just normal because that's what desire is. You are not really unhealthy?
One of the best, if not the best, ted talks I've ever watched.
1. she is away/ apart/imagination
2. when he she do sth they love..rage..confedent..
3.surprised/laugh together
** Make sure you are sexually aligned to begin with. If you are into something like bdsm and your partner finds that disturbing, you don’t pursue it secretly. Sometimes sexual differences mean an honest “bye bye “- that’s ok too. It’s the “lying” to another person that is so immoral. Totally wrong.
Modern relationships cultivate eroticism, not love. Boyfriend material is not husband material, and vice versa unfortunately. I'm great at love but bad at eroticism, and can't get a date.
This lady spits some hard game
This is so true ❤
"The forbidden, transgression, mystery, the unknown…" when I first watched this video in my 30s, these words somewhat resonated with me. Now in my 40s, they don't. I don't need to commit any transgression, I don't need someone else's forbidden partner, and the mystery of someone new isn't more attractive than the known quantity of my trusted partner.
No thanks to all of those.
spread the word that monogamy is a terrible concept brought about by the arrogance of primitive men
what an amazing orator
Actually, all that stuff she lists off is stuff only women do, getting ridiculous and hypergamous like that. Men just want exclusivity from a w0man, preferably from a position of PURITY. I could care less about the supermajority of that list. Anyone with some laundry list for one person is just ridiculous, but virtually all those people are w0men. A whole lot of men also couldn't really care about a "relationship," either. They just want certain things, not some romance novel weirdness made ONLY for females.
Saludos desde Costa Rica.
EXELENTE.
luckily there's no one correct answer to any of these questions 🙂
Esther Perel is a full-on MILF!
The secret to desire in a long term relationships is don’t get married.
This is a mature form of desire that sadly fewer and fewer people are equipped to handle and much less sustain.
Awesome video
It's been 11 years now. It will stay for another 50 years with the same story ..
Every word from Esther is an absolute pearl
Me and my fiancé get married next year and the cursed “dead bedroom” that comes with marriage kicked in a whole 2 years early.
Awesome❤
Do you have an answer but not a solution. Each of us needs to reveal what doesn’t work and as a result, what does. I appreciate your dialogue. It promotes and provokes my authentic discovery.
How can older women get older men or any man
The problem is mother’s of the world are training their daughters to only marry rich man because the girl cannot nake it by herself
WOW. THAT WAS GOOD!
geniale
This is an amazing woman!!
I think what a lot of people are missing in long term relationships is the “excitement” of being with a new person. And although that is always exciting, I think people get tired of anyone all the time. You have to keep dating each other to break that familiarity curse to regain that desire again, but not just going to dinner and movies all the time. You got to experience novel things together to rekindle that flame I think. I’m learning this now on the brink of the end of the best relationship I’ve ever had and have finally realized what’s happening.
I think what a lot of people are missing in long term relationships is the “excitement” of being with a new person. And although that is always exciting, I think people get tired of anyone all the time. You have to keep dating each other to break that familiarity curse to regain that desire again, but not just going to dinner and movies all the time. You got to experience novel things together to rekindle that flame I think. I’m learning this now on the brink of the end of the best relationship I’ve ever had and have finally realized what’s happening.
By now I've watched this video like 15 times, and I've shown it to so many people. It's almost funny how relationships are so important to everyone but rationally we understand so little about them. A talk like that is a must see for every human being.